Aurora Leadership Institute one year on – looking inward.

It’s been a year since I attended the Aurora Leadership Institute . This post looks inward at what I got out of it personally. Previously I posted about what I learned about leadership Aurora Leadership Institute one year on – looking outward.

One year on, I’m much less concerned about making mistakes and more motivated to improve. Aurora gave me a toolkit to see when I’m veering from a productive and useful path, and techniques to self correct.

I still talk over the top of people. I still seek to understand people more deeply than is necessary. I still try to make personal connections when it’s better to step back. I still tend to ask people questions and then tell them what their answer is before they have a chance to open their mouths.

Probably I do this less than I used to. I am now much more aware when I do it. I forgive myself much more when it happens. Instead of cringing and beating myself up about it and withdrawing from a situation where I’ve embarrassed myself yet again – I try to self correct, shut up a bit, listen a bit more, back off a bit and stay in the ring to see through what I need to see through.

I’m trying little things too. Like slowing down and talking more slowly and clearly. Like trying hard not to rant and rave and blurt out everything I know about something. Like reminding myself that it is OK not to always let people know what I think, and that it’s OK to not contribute sometimes. Neither mean than I’m being deceptive or not pulling my weight. Sometimes other people need space and will not get cross or think I’m not being honest if I keep myself to myself. What a relief !

I’m trying to keep all my internal processing on the inside instead of thinking out loud quite so much – this is the hardest, as when I get passionate or excited, I still blurt – and being carried away, I don’t realise until afterward.

“Strategic Few” has become a bit of a mantra. I’m trying to tease out the most important few points of anything I have to convey and just focus on communicating these. I look for the few tasks likely to have the most effective impact and focus on completing these. “No” is entering my vocabulary.

I found out that I’m extremely people-focused, and I’ve been exploring how I can use this as a strength. Before Aurora I thought I didn’t really give much of a toss about other people. Now I see that I spend a lot of energy trying to find out whether people are feeling OK about what is happening, whether they feel a part of what is going on, whether they feel like they have some kind of choice or control about what they are doing.

Aurora was designed to help remove blocks that were stopping us from being leaders. Many of mine were personal to do with grief issues. Aurora motivated me to seek counselling, which took up a lot of energy and rather shattered me for the first six months of the year.

The most valuable part of Aurora was observing the other participants and the mentors and how they “did” leadership. Each person had such a unique blend of strengths and competencies that I realised that maybe not fitting the stereotypical “Leader” mould was OK.

Aurora also gave us a specific framework for looking at people and their behaviour, which before Aurora I had dismissed as psychobabbly mumbo jumbo. I have used this framework almost every day, either to understand other people’s motivations or to understand whether I am working from fear, or the desire for perfection, or to please others etc.

A library leader I spoke to at VALA accidentally called Aurora an “intervention“. I like the description – it definitely shook me up, helped me to see myself, my profession and my path in it more clearly. It set off a continuing process that will hubble and bubble for quite a time to come. Thanks to everyone who gave me this gift.